Gordon Bleu
Gordon Ramsay doesn't mince words, only people. Three million Australians now put themselves through the televisual meat-grinder that is Kitchen Nightmares twice a week. What they see is Tourette's over easy, haute cuisine without the haughtiness and train-wreck telly from the culinary hurricane that is Big Sweary Gordon
By Angus Fontaine
Today, on the eve of his arrival in Sydney for Good Food & Wine Week, the big man is chugging his millionth espresso of the day and peppering his speech with his trademark salty effervescence ("Fuck me!", "Oh, fuck!" "Fucking hell!") - lovely stuff from the boy who partly grew up in Stratford-on-Avon, Shakespeare's home town.
Fit as fuck and standing an imposing 188cm tall, Ramsay's crunchy sponge face contorts when Time Out warns of the Gordon-mania to be unleashed when he hits Harbour City. Sex symbol? "Urgh, I, erm... I stay fit I guess. I had my ninth London marathon the other week and I've got my first Ironman in November. Oh, and I've just been asked to climb Everest next year. I'm tempted..."
Ramsay's appeal is obvious. Chicks dig him because he's tall and tousled, powerful and rich, and capable of whipping up an al dente pasta, slam-bam-thank you ma'am. Blokes like him because he's a school-of-hard-knocks footy prodigy with knees as shot as theirs who swears like a Woolloomooloo stevedore yet bends the world to his will.
"My biggest problem is I'm too fucking honest - I can't hold back," he tells Time Out. "I don't have to do what I do for corporate reasons and more importantly I think it's really important to call it as I see it. Cooks today need that level of honesty - who wants smoke blown up their arse?"
So does Ramsay give a fig that that his abrasive language has sparked an Australian parliamentary enquiry into swearing on TV and the protestations of a bogus senator saying, "allowing this sweary fellow to bring his bilious obscenities to Sydney's Harbourfront is a step in the wrong direction"?
Hell, no. "If a chef calls me a c***, that's not my fucking issue," he says, "and if you're not happy with it, change the [channel]!"
Not likely. Ramsay's legion of Aussie fans ensure he wins the all-vital Tuesday and Thursday 8.30pm timeslots for Nine, and his appearance on 60 Minutes last month drew a record two million viewers... which must be why Andrew Denton broke his exclusively-Enough Rope-or-nothing policy to have Ramsay on this Monday. Needless to say, his five half-hour tutorials at Food & Wine Week are all sell-outs too.
"I like to think we've managed to bring a new vitality and vibrance to the small screen and shown just how tough it is to work in a professional kitchen and the determination needed to succeed," says Ramsay. "In terms of food and cookery programmes that have been on Aussie screens before, Kitchen Nightmares is something totally different."
The truer secret to the show's success is Ramsay himself: the urchin scrapper from Glasgow who overcame a domineering bastard of a father and the biggest kitchen bullies in Europe to become one of only three men in the UK rated with three Michelin stars. Today, he is the most powerful chef in the world and, more vitally, the hungriest.
And with 25 restaurants in seven cities to his name, 12 Michelin stars on his chest, 18 books on shelves, one bio-film in development, $140 million in assets plus three shows going ratings ape-shit in 127 countries,
Ramsay can do as he damn well pleases.
Top of his list right now? Conquering Sydney.
"What most excites me about Sydney is the healthy aspect of dining," he raves in that familiar booming voice. "I can't wait to try the local food again! Most of all, aside from doing the Bridge Climb which sounds amazing, I'd like to visit the Fish Market at Pyrmont, which sounds like Billingsgate in London, only open all day, every day."
Ramsay already runs 10 gaffs in London, and his international fleet of fine diners includes nosheries in Tokyo, Dubai, New York, Paris, Czechoslovakia and LA. The latest of his London ventures is a series of gastropubs to compliment the more informal spin of Maze Grill, the booth-filled New York-style bistro Ramsay opened on April 11.
Ramsay says any Sydney digs will most likely follow the model of Maze, which coupled with the triumphant opening of Gordon Ramsay Plane Food in Heathrow Airport and Gordon Ramsay at Hilton Old Town in Prague, offer haute cuisine for the masses.
"I'm going to see three sites: one in Sydney and two in Melbourne," he confesses. "I always look for the perfect venue and location no matter where it is in the world and before opening in Sydney I'll be bringing several members of my team out to look at the current scene."
One thing's for sure, he says. "It can't be too cheffy".
More than most "celebrity chefs" (a term he hates so vehemently he named the F Word's Christmas turkeys Ainsley, Antony, Jamie, Delia, Gary and Nigella after his fellow kitchen kin), Ramsay is a man hell-bent on putting his money where his filthy mouth is. It's his name over the door, his cash being invested and his reputation on the line every time the burners ignite.
Moreover, he reckons, any local Ramsay diner would be an investment in Sydney itself.
"I source all the produce for my restaurants locally," exhorts Ramsay. "Reducing my carbon footprint is one reason but most of all it means I'm getting the freshest possible ingredients and supporting local communities.
I bang on about it a lot in Kitchen Nightmares - these tosser chefs that spend a fortune on expensive products flown in from obscure places when they have great produce fresh as fuck on their doorstep."
For Ramsay, now 41 and a father of three, Sydney also represents salvation.
He speaks of plans to "fuck off to Australia and retire" and to indulge his love of diving in Sydney's crushed sapphire waters where there's "no blackberry, no emails, no chefs, no menus, no food critics - just me and the sound of my heartbeat."
Why? Because the knives are out (literally - he had one thrown at him by a chef last month shooting the new Nightmares). Under siege from critics, censors, wowsers, journalists and groupies, Ramsay has most recently been hit hardest where he hurts most.
His new restaurant in Versailles has been savaged by critics. He's thick-skinned about it ("I can't think of any better grounding for Paris than getting my nuts kicked in New York") but it must've stung, with La Figaro reviewing it as "karaoke cuisine" and England's Evening Standard saying his poached chicken with foie gras "resembled and tasted like a tumour".
Ramsay scoffs. "Talk about scraping the barrel like a rat scuppering around for some witty comment! They're allowed to be personal, but you're not about them? Well fuck it, I am going to be, because it works both ways. I'm fed up of being judged by sarcastic individuals who know less about food than I do. That's it for me, game over!"
But be warned, Gordo: the tall poppy loppers are circling in Sydney, too.
"What would disappoint Australians is that he'd not be in the kitchen as often as he'd like," says Astral's head chef Sean Connolly. "In Sydney we like the celebrity on our doorstep and I dunno any one celebrity chef here that swans off around the world and comes back 12 months later to pick up the cash."
You can almost see the steam coming cartoonishly from Ramsay's ears, as on our cover. Coolly, quietly he explains. Gordon Ramsay is a brand. His customers pay for quality in his restaurants the way they do with a Prada jacket. "Do you ask if Miuccia Prada stitched it personally?" he seethes.
"Every critic wants to see you bust your bollocks on the stove to make them feel better that you fucking seasoned the vinaigrette and the only thing you didn't do was wipe their arse before they left. That's bullshit - welcome to 2008!"
And welcome to Sydney, Chef Ramsay!
RAMSAY ON...
What working for Reg Grundy taught him
The time I spent on the Grundy's boat in 1992 was incredible. I spent a summer season in the Mediterranean and winter in the Caribbean. Cooking for them really helped me develop my style - they absolutely adored food and they were very health conscious. We were able to buy some fantastic ingredients and were given a free reign in what we wanted to cook.
The golden rules of restaurants
Create a memorable experience. Every element of the customer's time there needs to be exceptional, from the food through to the service. I am lucky enough to have some really talented front-of-house staff who work day in, day out ensuring that every customer that passes through the door has a great time.
His epiphany as a chef
I will never forget my first night at Guy Savoy's in Paris. I just remember stepping into that kitchen and having never felt so far removed from anywhere. Blood, sweat and tears went into that kitchen. I was put on pastry but I just tried to absorb everything I heard and saw.
Buying food at market
Markets are fantastic to shop at. They offer the freshest ingredients, which are often locally grown and produced. I'd just say, don't be afraid to ask questions about what you're buying.
Creating the perfect burger?
The secret to a great burger is definitely the quality of the beef. Use the best quality that you can afford, preferably organic.
The secret of a great steak?
The pan must be hot enough and make sure you only turn the steak once and no more. Also, make sure you leave it to rest. If you follow those three golden rules, you'll have a delicious final dish.
Gordon Ramsay is at Good Food Week, June 20-22.